Friday, January 18, 2013

No Fear - until somebody mentions the word lawsuit.

When I wrote before I had no fear.
I wrote from the point of view of knowing I was not perfect, being willing to accept when I was wrong, change what needed to be changed without altering my core values of decency and respect for mankind.
I also knew I could back up my statements with saved correspondence, dated photographs, google analytic's, sitemeter readings, phone and text records.
But being threatened with a lawsuit has changed that for me.
I am now, more than ever, acutely aware of the way lost people in their defensiveness can effect the way I provide for my kids by threatening my income.
I get that now and that and that alone is the only reason why I shut up.
NOT out of respect for those who did wrong, the callous family members who never reached out to me in my grief or those who shunned me once I went public, like this is something I shouldn't talk about.
(You all can piss off.)

Here are interesting statistics we can all remain indifferent towards until it directly effects us;
35.1% of households headed by single moms were "food insecure"

Number 8 in the slide show is my life now.
Do you really want to tell me I have nothing to be angry about?

In 2011, I gave Mike the responsibility of the patina business that I conceived in 2009, developed and released in 2010, he was my partner.
He maintained part time hours overseeing the patina preparation and shipping which supplemented my income as he focused on his health and the kids.
He quit. in Sept.
I tried to keep it going on my own, however other areas of the business were neglected and I couldn't handle it. Me and the kids had to move from our home in Fl. Nov.
 I tried stocking the patinas again using free labor provided for me by my mom (♥).
Jan. 2012
However, sales from reopening the online shop were not enough after missing a whole holiday season shut down and I could not afford wholesale purchases anymore.
But then I used the money Erin paid me for her links due at Bead Fest to invest in more patina! Feb.
I moved to a house for me and the kiddos. All sorts of self sufficient, aren't we, Shannon? may
Sales died. Like completely. July
(I didn't know about the new patina products on the market being promoted by full page ads on the backs of  nationally read magazines and released at  Bead and Button, I can hardly compete.)
I did not cover living expenses which then began the whole domino effect of late fees and over drafting payments, literally taking food from our mouths. Aug.
BUT sales pick up! I pay bills, we are fine. I'm silly for thinking I have to quit missficklemedia. Sept.
Sales down. :(  I begin looking for a job (a whole other ranting post for another time).  Oct.
My computer crashes and then is stolen. I am still in shock over this and grieving the loss of so much work and personal history it feels like when Mike left me all over again. Nov.
I am not getting the call backs I would like for the positions I applied for and try to lower my expectations from retail to service positions.
But a full time housekeeper only brings home $288, that's not enough to cover living expenses that require at least $95 a day.
My parents purchase a new computer for me (no, they are not rich, they just work really hard and stick to a tight budget so they can give to other people). Surely the holiday season will bring it back, I've been working like a mad woman to have high quality product ready to go both to stores and online. Dec.

I watch in amazement as my sales roller coaster, $200 one day, nothing for 4. I have no idea what my income actually is or what I can count on. During these months I feel like I am coming to from being unconscious. I am trying to deal with so many emotional and behavioral issues (remember, me plus 2 very important little people who are uncertain about life right now and the whole reason I work from home need me) I can hardly think about my promoting and marketing. I simplify everything in our life, no satellite tv, cell phone, monthly subscriptions. We go old school, 70's styles, I feel like it will be okay if I just keep working hard and stay focused on the kids. We become very resourceful and more grateful for what we do have. We spend more time together over cooking projects, cards and board games rather then in front of the screen.

Jan. 2013
I am now in full acceptance of the fact that I do not make $50,000 a year anymore and I need to move into a more affordable home and find a steady paycheck that covers the remaining expenses.
I can hardly think about losing another home, it makes me physically hurt.
But it isn't one of the problems that just goes away, see? I have to think about it, I have to figure out a solution, I have to think about how to make sure it never happens again and my kids still have the same quality of life that I worked hard to give them before, when I was in a partnership.

Here's what brings me down a bit;
The whole adultery, deception, separation and divorce thing is nasty business that sets goal oriented, tax paying, hard working women back.
And that's a fact, Jack.

Much Peace and Prosperity are needed right now,



  1. Praying for peace and abundance for you and your little ones.

  2. Peace and prosperity will be yours again Shannon. I have found that my life is truly cyclical and although when the rollercoaster is stalled at the bottom it seems it will never even reach the middle let alone the top again, rest assured it will go up from here. Know that we are here cheering you on.

  3. Man oh man. I don't even know what to say. It must be exhausting to always have to be the strong one, but you are doing it. I am always amazed at your resilience. A shining quality that won't abandon you.
    I too will pray for peace and abundance to come your way.

    The 35.1% "food insecure" figure is truly shocking. I'll be making a donation to my local food bank tomorrow.

  4. I second Barb Fernald. Your work is perfect, very strong!

    Love, Kristin Linnea